Wednesday, March 16, 2005

My First Time.. a demo went ok. My spins were more than a little dodgy (it's harder on the stage surface, it's harder doing them slowly - no momentum! and it's harder with a whole room full of people watching.. especially Tom who makes me nervous anyway!) but no one seemed to notice, and if they did they were kind enough to lie about it to me :D

Ian liked the Thank You card me and Claire sent him! We rule. He's so much fun to dance with! Although I did feel that if one move had lasted a second longer he would have dislocated my arm/finger/head.

Ooh, my fiance went to a style workshop thingy and he knows all these fancy new moves that I can't do properly yet - but I will master them! And he gave me a proper hug today, so it looks like it's just Soap who's still having issues with my dependence on cuddles and the like. *grin* but it's all down to her trust issues. Hum, I wish I could bounce over and give Tom a hug sometimes to make him smile. But I know he'd just make his startled-rabbit-face and shove me hastily away, and I have enough humiliation in life anyway without going to look for it.

And oh dear.. I'm arguing with Phil and it's really upsetting me. I just told him how I feel about all his smoking and skipping school. I told him to "get back on track". I hate msn, so hard to tell what people are thinking and feeling. But I really don't think he's listening - he doesn't want to hear it. I told him on the train to London how, out of everyone and everything, he is what has put me off drugs more than anything else. Matt glorified them for me, the school's propaganda tried to scare me away from them, and another friend helped me explore them in the safest way possible (for which he has earned a special place in my heart). But now, no more.. and even as I type that I can feel the hesitation in my fingers.


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